How old were you when you first told? MT

[The People]

Talk of SA. No details.
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I am watching 'Mom.' The daughter is dealing with a r&pe from 16 years earlier.

As a child there was nobody to tell because anybody that I should have been tell had hurt me. Well, once when I was 3-4I did tell my sister "Daddy hurt me." She told me to go to sleep.

Things happened with peers in plain view of friends. Nobody said a word. Long after I went into T something happened. I told my friends and they didn't believe me. I never went to a doctor right away because I thought I was just drunk and switched. When I finally got a doctor to examine me he treated me like he was putting out the trash.

It took years and years of T before that first memory broke through. It was just the knowledge. When alternate T asked if I had an idea who it might be I named a neighbour. My initial cue was... nevermind. I was right but he wasn't the first full memory.

[phoenix22]

Its only on anonymous websites like these that I can ever verbalise some of the little that happened.
For me..its a question of never trusting anyone in person..I have lived like this for 64 years and can't see a time when it will change.
I think your experience with that doctor just reinforce my systems opposition to ever speaking up.
I'm sorry no one was there for you

[mosaic]

MT - talk of physical abuse

i did not have the same type of trauma that you experienced ...

however, i do remember not being able to tell my early T's about the emotional type of abuse. it took until my 3rd T to actually try to name it. and even then i equivocated a LOT and never called it abuse. at that time i couldn't even conceive of the physical abuse - it took several years (and a different T) before that became something i could name, primarily because i have no memory of it myself, only of seeing it happen to siblings.

there was a weekend where some sisters came to visit and we had a "girls night out" and as we were talking and sharing memories, my younger sister said, "do you remember the time you did ..." i said yes, and she said "i remember watching dad h*t you and k*ck you and thinking i was next" and i broke down. i had never had anyone validate for me that it happened to me.

so that means i was in my mid 30's when i was able to name it and talk about it.