Frustrated re book

[The People]

Someone offered to be a first reader for my book. She hasn't even touched it. I think she is working extra hours wih Covid but for us, it is still frustrating. We are so hungry for feedback.

T took some of it home on a thumb drive a few weeks ago. T has a very busy schedule. She works 2 jobs and has kids at home. I think her nose was out of joint because old T (we haven't seen her in 15 years but she was the first one working with us for DID dx)

T canceled last week. Said she was sick. Tired? Hadn't had time to read? We meet on Wednesday.

Two watched Some of the various talent shows. There is a young woman named Kesha who was in a plane crash. She was 1 of 2 survivors and after many surgeries, she will always be scarred. Two compared her to us except we have our scars on the inside so we will never get the golden buzzer. (High sense of recognition of skills)

Today we watched Dr. Phil which is a bad idea on a good day. Today there was a woman who was so totally delusional that nobody would believe her story. Why Dr. Phil has these women on so people can roll their eyes is beyond me. However, he did find help for her some help.

The connection between the 2 issues? Self-doubt has increased. People here believe what I say because they have similar histories. However, will the public beleve it? I don't plan to use my birth name or town but it is quite possible that the family will figure out that it is my writing. They all deny. They won't even believe that my father was an alcoholic and he had a brain scan that showed the brain mush when he got dementia. So why write this book? And why continue with T? Nothing has changed ina long time. Not for the better. Some SI thoughts but what is new about that? I just want to walk away from it all. Live here with my kittyand meet people I don't even like that much for coffee. Exist.

[mosaic]

it's really frustrating when people say they will help with something and then fall short. it especially bugs me when what they say they will help, but do not grasp that i have a sense of urgency about it and they treat it like something that can wait until they get around to it.

i don't think i've ever watched more than maybe 10 minutes of dr phil. i never understood the attraction to his approach.

i am sorry these things have all piled on you to erode your self confidence. self doubt is difficult to manage once it gets a foothold. i hope you are staying safe.