This chapter may be impossible

[The People]

Before I start to talk about this, please don't give feedback in the form of suggestions. I just need to talk it out and am wondering about how people work through this. Or if they do.

MT SRA toward the end.

Because o the fact that Christianity comes up so often I feel the need to add a chapter to my book. Only I have no clue as to where to start. Do I believe in God? Yes I do. But I don't believe he is there for me. I ended up with a life so crazy that I am afraid people won't believe that such a life could never happen.

I have a friend with very strong faith. She knows much of my past. She has had her own dark times but for her life has made her faith stronger. She believes in heaven, that we will be rewarded for our suffering etc. I have trouble with that aspect of her faith. Why do I have to go through all of this misery with a possibility that I will get to sit on a cloud and play the guitar when I die?

I have had sp experiences, mostly things that I remember. They tell me that there is something up there or out there, whatever. It is possible that beings were sent to protect me. However, perhaps they were just protecting my soul as they certainly didn't protect my body. Or this crazy mind.

Yet, if someone asks me "do you believe in God" I have to say yes. I just don't know why. After all, I lived through hell here on earth. Some of the worst stuff that happened was done in the name of s*t*n. How could he, or his representatives not rescue me from such horror? Therefore, how can I believe in God? Why do I have to go through hell on earth in order to rise up and sit on that cloud?

[nats]

don't think we rise up and sit on a cloud. think that's a convenient fantasy to make an afterlife that is understandable. i mean if that is heaven how seriously boring it would be, so no. makes no sense. i think this life is about learning, and whether that learning is horrible or great, we're not necessarily going to get rescued. some people get rescued all the time and others never do - so makes most sense that they are on different learning paths. i don't understand people who think Gd's job is to constantly solve their problems and make them happy. if we're not pets, why should Gd treat us as if we are?

[Cammy]

Earth IS Hell. That's the whole thing. There's little more that needs saying because we all know this to be SO true.

[dreamers]

MT for mentioning w*r and for chr content
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The concept of spiritual warfare has really helped us process what happened to us as well as the question of why bad things happen in general I disagree with cammy in a since because Hell will actually be worse.

However, I think earth is behind enemy lines in the biggest and longest war ever. The war started in Heaven when some angels rebelled and tried to take over. That group lost the first battle and were kicked out of Heaven and exiled to Earth. They regrouped and tricked the first people into joining in the war on the enemies side.

So now, Earth is a war zone where God’s will doesn’t always happen. If it did, there would be no reason to pray that God’s will be done. Although God could force his will on humanity he chose not to in order that we might have free will and not be robots.

The idea that maybe God isn’t in absolute control of everything that happens has been very helpful for us. We used to wonder why God gave us ( through adoption) to our foo. Why would God want us to have a “dad” who hated us? And a mom who was seemingly clueless about parenting a disabled child and who was too afraid of what people would think of herb to tell any “expert” no or otherwise challenge the opinions of the so-called experts.

We now think maybe this foo wasn’t the family God intended for us. Maybe the adoption came about because someone ignored his instructions or because of enemy interference. Maybe I was supposed to stay with my birth foo and they just didn’t have enough faith that the Lord would supply what they needed to take care of me. Or maybe I was supposed to be adopted by a different foo and whoever makes the final decision didn’t ask God whether this family was the one or the best one

Since Earth is a war zone, that answers the question of why tragedies happen because bad things always happen in a war. So, instead of why, I now focus on the question of “when”...

When will the war end? When will the trouble starters be sent to a place where they can only make trouble for each other? When will God start over and rebuild creation back to what it was supposed to be?

By the way, warfare also gives us an answer to why good things happen to evil people. Simply put, the enemy has a limited ability to reward those on their side ( although the rewards can be long term they won’t be permanent but they might appear to be so).

Proof of this ability is that when Christ was tempted he was offered rewards if only he would switch sides.

A few books and a video that has helped us make sense of things ( in order of most CHR to least)

Naked before God by Bill Williams ( has Chr and med content because the main character has CF)

The Green Ember series by SD Smith an allegory with anthropomorphic rabbits and wolves, and bird of prey that are at war with each other. Has CHr content but it’s veiled in allegory

Video: an episode of Red dwarf called Justice World ( completely secular)