How Do I know If I'm Making it Up

[Shadows]

Maybe I am making it up. Maybe I am pretending accidentally, maybe I don't have DID. I keep reading about how people get influenced by ideas they read and what if I'm assigning names and personalities to parts that aren't really separate and I've fooled myself and my therapist and i didn't mean to actually do it? How do i know if this is real, how do I know? I've been really afraid, maybe I'm just being dramatic and making this all up.

[nats]

every multiple goes through this at some point, some worry about this regularly. there are two ways of looking at it. first, you can suffer through the angst and fear each time you worry you're making it up. you can work out various ways of testing yourself/es. you can determine over the course of years whether another explanation would fit your reality better. second, you could agree with yourself/es that you don't know whether it's real or not, but you are going to move forward for the next year (or selected time period) assuming that it is and see what happens, i.e. assuming 'what if' rather than 'what if not'. either approach is valid.

[just peachy]

hi shadows its just peachy if only we had a magic wand and could make it all go away ..the did the stigma the effect it has on all our lives the way it makes us behave and interact with other people in our lives important people in our lives we care about but who don't truly care about us or have any clue how much pain we are truly feeling and carrying in our soul all our lives .. I am referring mainly to family and the non family who have abused us severely and who want to live in total denial and show no feelings of remorse about the abuse ..
..if only we could wish it away and wish ,, it was never true . and wish that it never happened... if if if if if get my point ...we cant (I am not meaning any of what I write as being fresh or unkind in case it might sound that way ..) I am saying this with the greatest compassion and respect ... ..we can either wish our life away on thousands of what ifs or we can do our very best and accept things as they are , as hard as that is ..believe me when I say I know where you are coming from I am at that place from one day to another everyday cuz I cut off contact with all family since mom and dad died 3 years ago and I have so much pain since finding about the abuse a lot of it since there dying days .. instead saying daily the what ifs I try to say what can I .... do today to feel better eat better do more good stuff for me etc I have to end here I am in library using their internet my computer don't have internet working at home so I go to library use theirs till I can find someone to fix mine ..that is y I haven't posted in awhile or answered posts cuz computer internet don't work at my house peace and blessings jp

[Shadows]

I just want some really solid markers to know if its yes or no, a way to just know for sure if we have DID or not. I know my therapist thinks we do but I'm not always convinced and I just hate the ambiguity, gives us all so much anxiety.

[nats]

solid markers and DID, as with many psychological issues, don't tend to go together. so much is subjective and experiential. part of acceptance is being able to accept the ambiguity and that you may never 'know for sure'. can you do this?

[Shadows]

I don't know if I can do that, but I am trying. Thanks, Nats, I appreciate the response. We are all still in a jumble over here trying to figure stuff out. It is hard.

[Cammy]

Shadows: I went through similar self doubt about my D.I.D. I ended up getting my T to find someone who had a definitive test for this disorder. She found a PhD in the states who had developed a test for DID and also showed how severe the DID was. I wrote his test and it confirmed the diagnosis. After that test I simply had to process the information and come to terms with the reality of my condition: I am DID. Embracing the multiplicity seems hard, but it actually makes it easier for you to accept and start to cope with it day to day. One of the things you can try to do is to attempt to find out in what ways that DID makes things better for you. Eventually you will realize that without it, you cannot cope with life or couldn't have coped with life in the past. DID is what made you survive with your sanity intact and it can serve you well once you start to learn to make it work for you. The first step to that, however, is acceptance. Like the rest of us you are going through a phase of denial. Eventually you will accept your multiplicity and begin to work with it. This takes time, however, and it is just not possible to rush the process any faster than your mind can accept the information. Hard as it is, you should try to be patient. You will get there and things will smooth out eventually. Hang in there as best as you can.

[The People]

Shadows I remember when people started coming forward with memories of abuse. In fact it wasn'tall tht long before I started my work that the true numbers started to be shown. A group called the False Memory Syndrome Society formed. Interestingly it came out that the woman who started the group was abused herself. Now that is denial.

Your questioning is normal. In fact, I don't tinkit is healthy to never question. Think of your relationship with T or PDoc. Do you ever remember them telling you things? Or did you gradually tell them? Denial is a safety net. IMO it is there to have too much or too many coming forward at once.

None of my Ts (I have been at this for a long time as my story is complex) ever planted anything. In fact the T that was with me as the first memories came and then the DID dx would remind me of that when I questioned it. She told me that she suspected SA when she first interviewed me because of how I responded to some of her questions. Yet she said nothing. Same with the red dot stuff.

We have no doubt of Two's existence. She is the most present of all the littles when we are at home. She natters and natters just like out root person used to do when we were little. There is no way I created her as I would not natter about the things she is interested in. The same applies to may of the other alters who are out the most. Ts have learned to recognize that we have switched even if we don't always see/feel it. If Two exists why not the rest of us?

It is OK to question but look at it as a time out rather than a wall that you cannot get past. People question many aspects of their lives, monominds included. About types of work, about sp stuff, about things they see but cannot believe.

It is because not enough people question that so many children have darkness in their lives. And because nobody question the children need to hide in order to be safer (not safe). What better way than to create another self to hide behind?

[just peachy]

hi shadows I saw this post written by orek on jan 4 ,2013 its at the bottom of this page if you scroll down you can see it .... y ou can click on it and read it . ...it gave me the impression by some of what orek said was similar to what you asked about and mentioned in a post back in sept that in oct the people and cammy responded to ...then in that same page a person named tangled web or tw answered oreks questions with some really good answers and ideas ...i was thinking and was hoping they might be of some help to you ...I thought the posts were really interesting and I am going to give a try for myself what tangled web suggested figured it sounds like it might work if its done slowly a little at a time ..and in my situation with triggers and bad memoires coming like a tidal wave at me the way it comes sometimes I will proceed at a snails pace ..I had one really scary really freightening trigger this week from a lengthy descriptive post someone wrote and asked me some question I wasn't expecting to trigger me ..and so since then I haven't been able to sleep a wink any night this week ..I was up till 730 am this morning trying to fall asleep to no avail .. now I am terrified and freightened to sleep at night alone ..jp

[nats]

sorry you're struggling jp.

[just peachy]

hi nats and the people I JUST WANT TO SAY A VERY BIG THANK YOU TO BOTH OF YOU ..!!!!!!NEED I SAY NO MORE ... IT MADE ME FEEL SO SO GOOD !!! WHEN I WAS FEELING SO DOWN .THINKING I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE ..AND IT DOESNT FEEL GOOD TO HURT LIKE THIS SO MUCH YOUR COMFORTING WORDS LIFTED ME UP AND I FELT LIKE I WAS A DYING PLANT BEING BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY BEING REVIVED BY A WHOLE LOT OF LIGHT AND BRIGHT SUNSHINE TO GET ME THROUGH FROM SOME REALLY TOUGH MOMENTS SO THAT DYING PLANT THAT I THOUGHT I ONCE WAS .CUZ OF SOME MISUNDERSTANDINGS HAS NOW BROUGHT ME IN TO A NEW AND DIFFERENT LIGHT .. I WANT TO END BY SAYING I HOPE THIS POST S PEAKS LOUD AND CLEAR TO BOTH OF YOU AND THAT YOU BOTH UNDERSTAND THIS POST ..] AND WHAT I AM SAYING THANKS A BUNCH JUST PEACHY ..

[just peachy]

THANKS NATS I AM REALLY STRUGGLING .. NOT ONLY IS IT HARD ENOUGH THAT I AM STRUGGLING , THE TRAUMA ,TRIGGERS, MEMORIES , FLASHBACKS , PTSD AND THE DID .. I AM ALSO TRYING MY BEST TO STAY IN AND PRACTICE LIVING IN THE PRESENT WITH THE DID WHICH FOR ME IS VERY HARD FOR ME TO LIVE AND DEAL WITH BY MYSELF.... ..WHAT I MEAN IS THIS GROUP IS A BIG HELP IN CONNECTING AND HEALING .FOR ME WITH THE DID ....SO THANKS TO YOU AND THE OTHERS IN THE GROUP WHO PARTICIPATE .. YOU ALL GIVE YOUR SELVES A PAT ON THE BACK AND SAY YAY WE DID A GOOD JOB WELL DONE CUZ THIS AINT EASY TO OPENLY TALK ABOUT ALL THIS DID STUFF !! ALL THIS IS TRUE AND SINCERE WHAT I WRITE AND REAL . .... BUT NOW THIS PART I WRITE ABOUT IS IS MY TRUE DESIRE AND IT WOULD BE LIKE LIVING OUT A TRUE FANTASY THAT I WOULD LOVE TO BE A PART OF ...BUT UNFORTUNATELY I DONT LIVE IN THIS STATE WHERE THEY ACTUALLY DO THIS STUFF WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT .. OR ANYWHERE NEAR IT I SAW THIS MORE THEN ONCE ON THE INTERNET .THIS DID GROUP THAT IS BASED IN NEW YORK WHERE ANYONE CAN JOIN THE SUPPORT GROUP NO MATTER WHERE YOU LIVE ...AND BE A PART OF IT ...BUT THE FANTASY PART IS I WISHED I COULD LIVE IN NEW YORK TO JOIN IN TO DO DIFFERENT ACTIVITIES IN THE GROUP .THAT THEY DO LIKE ONCE EVERY COUPLE OF MONTHS THEY GO TO DINNER TOGETHEROR TO SHOPPING ETC ..SO THE BEST I CAN DO IS WISH CUZ CUZ I DONT LIVE NEAR THERE BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN CUZ THEY GO TO SO MANY FUN PLACES ..TOGETHER OH WELL AT LEAST I CAN DREAM ABOUT IT ..JP

[nats]

that does sound like fun. there are several former MM contributors in NYC, so maybe some of them joined.

[just peachy]

YEAH I HAVE READ ALOT ABOUT IT ON THE INTERNET..AND WHY I THINK ITS FUN IS IT DOESNT GET BORING CUZTHEY GO TO LOTS OF DIFFERENT PLACES ..AND ITS RANDOMLY THE WAY OLAN IT LIKE ITS NOT LIKE EVERY WEEEK OR MONTH THEY JUST PLAN IT LIKE WHENEVER A T VARIOUS TIMES OF YEAR ... JP ITS RELAXED SETTING ...AND OPEN TO ANY DID PERSON JP