Get sick, get scared

[Cammy]

I can go for weeks with my anxiety under control, and then if I get the slightest bit sick, I lose it. It doesn't take much to upset my apple cart, that's for sure. I try to keep a lid on things without having to resort to medication, but I have to be sure that panic doesn't happen or my BP sky rockets. We are dealing with shingles right now, which is nasty on its own, but it also makes my anxiety flip out. I am such a basket case. Illness triggers the anxiety, and anxiety is not conducive to getting well because the last thing you need when you're sick is a ton of adrenalin and cortisol blasting through your veins. Oh sigh!

Come to think of it, lately I've not even been able to get any lab work done. My doctor keeps giving me requisitions, and I keep coming up with excuses as to why I haven't been to the lab yet. I never had this issue before, and it is not because I am afraid of getting blood drawn or anything. I just don't want to find out that EVERYTHING is wrong with me. Head case.

[dreamers]

why not get it done then not find out the results till your ready? Or let a protector wall alter find out first?

[nats]

anxiety around illness totally makes sense for people like us. we always see it as weakening our ability to protect ourselves, even though we don't normally run around physically defending ourselves anyway! hang in there!!

[Cammy]

Thanks dreamers and nats. I am a very strong person in so many ways, and then such a wuss in other ways. I guess it is the nature of being a multiple. I'm going to be brave and do what needs to be done, but I will try the protector wall that dreamers suggested and see if it works for us.

[The People]

Physical health issues send us of the edge of things too. We make much of small things and ignore big ones. Am on a double dose of antibiotics as I allowed infections to go too far. The dogs leave marks on my wrist when they pull on their leashes. Until I figured out the cause I was consumed with the idea of having some sort of disorder.

Am I the only one who finds this to be ironic? We go through times when we just want to SI ourselves away. Yet when we do get sick we panic that our wishes will come true. I know that much of the time the SI urges are just wanting to stop hurting but what a twist in the head!