when, if ever, to leave T

[nats]

it's a theme that's come up a few times in recent months. As multiples it seems to be taken for granted that we require good-quality long-term T in order to deal with our issues and live the kind of life we want. But what is the kind of life you want? How will you know when you've achieved it?

If you're in T now or left T of your own choice, how will you/did you decide it's time to stop?

[mosaic]

when i had more times where i went to t and had nothing to talk about than not was a good indication that i had gone as far as i could with that t. that's my current situation. i fired a few ts in the past ... we hit an impasse or something happened to make me not feel safe with them, but i always found a new t, so it wasn't because i was ready to stop.

there are some times when i wish i had a t still, but i think it's more pining for the t i had in colorado where i really made some progress and really felt safe and understood. moving away was a major loss for me, and truthfully i dont know if i'll ever go to t again because all ts will be measured against that standard and i am not sure anyone else will ever measure up. that is part of what was going on with the t i saw where i live now.

so i guess the short answer is, i decided it was time to stop (with the t i had here) when i no longer had anything to say.

[Unity]

It's funny you ask this, because i wondered this just yesterday =)

I haven't really been in therapy, but i think i can compare to when i was into the spiritual forum, now that i see my life of then, i was clearly surrounded by plenty of people who had same issue than me, and plenty of love and good people to help dealing with things, so i guess it's bit equivalent.

I guess when you feel the pain is gone, that you are more at peace and whole, seing others pain during a moment will not necessarily be a very good things, specially when you are in the phase or recovering your own wounded parts and you see the triggers all the time through other peoples.

Well i always been surrounded by at least some good people who could help me in bad moments, and it was also because i was probably seeking this more or less unconsciously in a way or another.

Well at this point, i'm kinda like i know i will never have a normal life, i'm too messed up, i have nothing in common with most people, and plenty of things i have in my mind that other people don't have and i have etc well let say i had an harder path than them in my life or something like this =)

But i can see still what attract my attention, what i want to do, it's funny because i was talkiing about the movie 'the one' with jet li with my ex (i guess you could say another damaging victim type relation ha ha), where basically there are doubles of jet li in other dimensions, and each time he beat one, he become stronger until there is only one version of him left in all the dimensions, and it's made in sort to show that what make the difference between the two last version of him is that one is in the police and has a wife and live with love, and the other is sort of a gangster, and at the end you see the gangster end up in a dimension of only eternal fights and the 'good' jet lee end up in a dimension where he live peacefully with his wife. I still have this dvd of the one that my girl friend gave me lol

Well idk  there is plenty of things i could do, i'm pretty good with computers, programming, and that sort of things, but it's also what is related to plenty of things i lived through, it's clear it know i will leave marks in me for ever, all the issues of abuses, trauma, pain etc i see through it very well now in other persons, i can't ignore this lol And i don't think it's a thing that can be dealt with with therapy, it's much too instinctive and been there for too long.

And in the same time, i know i also gained plenty of ability to deal with plenty of situation that other people are going through and strugling into, but i know being around this kind of people is also stressing, and not always very nice to see, but in a way i sort of grew a tolerance and understanding of this that not many people have it's clear :p

I don't think i have necessarily one ideal life, i try to make it better every day for the moment, and make it better for other around me, not always easy , but i guess it's still getting better =)

It's funny i'm sort of reviewing my life currently, and maybe i could have hurt many people, and been in plenty of fight, but i see i never attacked any one 'like me', even if they were just as much aggressive and combative that i could be in some moment, but we always recognize each other and don't attack each other it's funny, just too say even instinctive reaction like that are a bit out of control related to triggers they can also become good things if you train them a bit even if they have to deal with difficult and painful situation, they have to live too and have a good reason to be there too. It never made me being made at innocent people or doing amoral things, even if it was very weird instinctive hard wired reaction triggered by a relived real life situation. I know there are some people i could never harm them, and some other suddently all my empathy is gone :p

Well i'm still into analyzing those reaction and things ha ha, but i think i know why this stuff is not something that need to be get rid of with therapy like a disease =) Well i know it's not only in my mind and it's also happening to other peoples even if nobody is aware of what is really going on.

[MakersDozn]

We certainly understand that there are situations where going to T (in general or to a specific T) outlives its usefulness. In our case, we envision ourselves going to T indefinitely, as long as we have access to a T that meets our needs.

For us, healing is a work in progress, as are we ourselves. T sessions are the one place where we can be authentic and share our struggles with the expectation that we'll get helpful feedback.

MDs

[mosaic]

"we envision ourselves going to T indefinitely, as long as we have access to a T that meets our needs"

that's how we felt too... it's access to a T that meets our needs where things fell apart.

[Unity]

One thing i understood when i watched the movie "dangerous method" with jung and freud, is that the approach of psychotherapy aim at curing a disease, like freud was saying the role of a therapist is only to remove the neurosis, whereas jung also wanted to integrate more spiritual element for that psychotherapy can also help to construct oneself, but generally that's beyond role of therapist who are about finding symptoms and curing them, but there can be other things can be needed in order to reconstruct self than only removing symptoms of diseases, but it's maybe where things like coach or manager can help idk

[The People]

I have stopped going to T because I just felt like I was running with 1 foot tacked to the floor. i felt like i was getting nowhere. Does that mean I will never go back? Nope. Maybe, maybe not. I know other people who would stop and start and it benefited them. How will birds know that they can fly on their own if they never leave the nest. I remember one person recommending starting by spreading times apart and eventually just booking in for a check up.

I think part of our break had to do with non-T things but regardless we just didn't feel like talking anymore.

[FreyasSpirit]

We have made two serious attempts at therapy as an adult. The first was slightly before and into the beginnings of our plurality explorations and we left when she had no idea about multiplicity. The second was quite knowledgeable about plurality, but we are trans and he ended up being actively harmful along the axis of gender. Even so, the beginnings of that therapy were good enough that it took us a month and the encouragement of friends to actually pull ourselves away.

We have always been able to process well on our own and have a community of friends who we are slowly processing and exploring ourselves with. At this point, we are uncertain whether there exists a therapist knowledgeable along all the axes needed to be helpful to us over the long term and even less certain they would be worth the energy it would take to find them. As a result, we are unsure whether we will ever be able to use therapy as more than a short term thing to help us through life transitions.

[The People]

FreyaSpirit you are so fortunate to have 3D friends who are willing to learn along with you. My friends just pretend that it doesn't exist. And when I fall into a hole and disappear they just go on as if I have gone on a writing binge. Never asking "are you okay?"

[FreyasSpirit]

Almost all our friends are plural so it is a given that they understand plurality. Except for one, all of them were first met online and only later met outerworld. We were incredibly lucky that some of those friends happened to live nearby and that more moved nearby.

[MakersDozn]

Hi, FreyasSpirit, and welcome to the forum.

We identify with your need to have mostly plural friends. We prefer to associate with people who are multiple or multiple-friendly. This greatly limits our social circle, but we choose not to be social at the expense of being authentic.

MDs