On touch

[The People]

We have been chatting with someone about touch. Won't get into why it came up but we explained to her that it brought out fight or flight with us unless it is kids or animals. We have gotten better as we can hug friends when we see them. And we must say that we like that. Although it pretty much has to be planned. We still don't like relative strangers hugging us and sometimes they insist which really pisses us off.

It is hard. We are human and like most humans have the need to be touched. But when someone does it we want to run screaming from the room. We have always known this but never saw it as a fight or flight issue until the topic came up. Sucks. Thank goodness for kitties.

[Cammy]

I feel similar about touching. We were never a touchy huggy family to start with, then with certain little traumas along the way, touching has become just too weird. Depends on my mood...sometimes a hug from a friend feels okay, but mostly I'm a 'Touch Me Not'. Have a heck of a time going to the D for physicals. She is aware of my issues and is very good about it, but it raises our hackles. Sometimes I wish I could grow sharp little spines...that would put an end to would be touchers. Animals...can't get enough of hugs, kisses, and furry touches...love animals.

[jamdjohnson]

I think touch is very hard for us because of how misused it was and I think it is ok to have boundaries and tell people no and they insist- it is they that have the problem and not us. Touch is supposed to help people feel comforted and feel better- not worse. So if someone wants to give a hug and it doesn't feel safe, if they care about you, they will respect your boundaries.

[finlyalive]

My children are my world. My arms have always been open for them and safe for them. Unknowingly, they have grown up with "us". My daughter once said that "Mommy's always there to hug and kiss us if we want it." It was really important to me that they knew that, as we have never forced them to hug or kiss anyone. Fight or flight? Personally, it definitely is.

[Cammy]

Think I'll wear a sign that says, "You touch it, you break it, you pay for it". Works in expensive china stores.

[nats]

(06-14-2013, 02:05 AM)Igraine Wrote: Think I'll wear a sign that says, "You touch it, you break it, you pay for it". Works in expensive china stores.

Would be nice to do that. unfortunately, the expensive stores have expensive security and police back-up while most of us would find it challenging to hire private security ;-) (a good guard dog perhaps..)

[Cammy]

You'd be surprised what a really nasty expression on one's face can accomplish. Having bad BO also helps too. (humor, levity, and more humor). The post about the china store was meant as being light humor as well. Apologies....

[nats]

(06-17-2013, 01:22 AM)Igraine Wrote: You'd be surprised what a really nasty expression on one's face can accomplish. Having bad BO also helps too. (humor, levity, and more humor). The post about the china store was meant as being light humor as well. Apologies....

certainly no need for apologies . like the idea - maybe a t-shirt with the sign 'you break it, you pay for it!'

how are you guys doing?

[Cammy]

Thank you for the post nats. I always appreciate your feedback. The T-shirt logo is right on the money...love the idea!

How are we doing? My system during severe ongoing psych crisis has a tendency to really become cohesive and everyone pulls together to make it through. Also, the more high maintenance alters become fairly quiet in order to help me focus better on handling things in the outside world. Everyone is different this way. I notice that some people during extreme and prolonged external pressures tend to respond in the opposite way in that their systems really become very difficult. For me I see my response as a kind of increased survival/coping mode. Still, there are moments or days where an alter will really express her emotions when the issue is too close to her original trauma, but for the most part everyone tries to help. This is where I am at right at the present time. Thank you so much for asking...that was extremely kind and very appreciated. It really felt good to be able to explain that (partly to myself as well). You ROCK nats!