Do I tell him?

[Cammy]

My husband has DID, but he is under the impression that he has only two personalities. We know of at least three more besides his host and wonder if it would be okay to let him know my observations. Being DID is new to him, and he is newly adjusting to the fact that he is a multiple, but I don't know if I should shock him by letting him know that there are more of him than he thinks. I don't want to overload him at this point, but maybe the truth is best. Opinions?

[MakersDozn]

Difficult choice. We assume that he's not co-conscious with the ones that he's unaware of. Maybe they're the ones that need to decide when to make themselves known to him, especially if no one in his system is harming anyone.

Just our 94 cents.

MDs

[Tangled Web]

IMO I would tell him very gently if the conversation came up. I wouldn't be the one to just jump out and tell him but if he was talking about it and telling you things that he thinks is accurate and you know differently, I think it would be a good idea to say something about it. And maybe tell him that when the others are ready to let themselves known to you, they will. Let him digest things after he knows what you know. I would want to know if someone knew those things about me instead of believing things that weren't true. But that is just me. Or maybe just ask him what he wants you to do with the information you have the next time it comes up in conversation, maybe he just wants to find out things in his own time.......BUT if you ask him that way he will have more control and a say in what he wants to know and what he doesn't and won't feel like you are keeping things from him.

[The People]

I am with MD. If the others have not presented themselves to him it is because they are not ready yet. Or he isn't ready. Or both. You could acknowledge them when you know they are out, make them feel safe. When I was dxd there were 5 ready to present. There were many, many more but it would have served no purpose for others to point this out to me. I needed to take those steps as I was ready.

[MakersDozn]

The People said:

When I was dxd there were 5 ready to present. There were many, many more but it would have served no purpose for others to point this out to me. I needed to take those steps as I was ready.

Same here. When we realized we were multiple, five insiders presented as well. It took about seven years for us to find all 47 of us. At one point, in 1999, moving too fast led to us checking in for our one and only hospitalization.

If we had found anyone before being ready, it would have been disastrous, to say the least.

MDs

[Cammy]

Thank you so very much for your informed and honest opinions. Being a multiple myself I thought that I would have these answers for myself, but I think I am too close to the situation to be a completely neutral observer. Now that I have reviewed your thoughtful responses it makes sense to me not to abruptly inform him of his others. I agree that it might be too much of a shock wave for him, plus he will simply likely just go into denial. I think that the idea that if it comes up in casual conversation and he happens to ask if I've noticed others, I will GENTLY tell him "yes". If he wishes to know more about them he will continue to question me, but if the "yes' is all that he can handle at this time then I will not say anything else to him.

Thank you all so much for helping me with this. I just wasn't sure what to do. I think that for him the realization that he is a multiple is plenty for him to process right now, even though the knowledge was a relief to him in terms of understanding himself after all these years.

Again, thank you all so much for your input.

[rainbows]

So much Kindness is here.
I was right to come back to MM.

We are thinkin you are making a reasonable and caring choice.
from rainbows