unsure of what I am

[small porgies]

Hi everyone,
I have kind of come to a place where I am beginning to think that I may be a multiple. Without getting into history, I have no memory of any abuse that happened but my life has been a disaster. I have one memory that has always troubled me because I couldn't explain how it happened. Something was about to happen, I blacked out, then came to with no memory of what had happened. That is the only memory I have of ever doing that.
I am currently working with a therapist and have uncovered one dream where I was in a room with a beautiful carpet. These small turtles started to emerge from the floor through the carpet. Their shells looked like they were made out of candy. I placed three to four in a box and the dark one kept escaping and was faster than light. I couldn't catch it long enough to see it. I wouldn't step on the carpet because I knew there were some turtles still in there. I lifted the small rug and looked underneath and saw that there was a hardwood floor and nothing else. The turtles were in the carpet.
I was also working on guided imagery. I went into this haunted house and saw something. I had to leave. I took my three year old to a park and when I looked at myself there were me and seven other versions of me either holding onto me or standing next to me. Some were children. Not sure about the rest. Seven seems to be a number that keeps coming up.
If I had been the only son I would tell you I had never been abused. My oldest brother is dead by his own hand. I have heard of other abuse from a younger brother. I am a writer and most of my stories involve charact5ers that shift. I have had nightmares that are about abuse. Kind of everything is catching up to me. I hope to make some contact with people here so I can move into my life because caring for myself has been beyond difficult. I have just signed up so I will start to poke around in other chat rooms and make some connections. Thanks.

[Tangled Web]

Welcome to MM. It is a great place to find support. Look forward to seeing you on the boards.
TW

[small porgies]

(06-30-2014, 04:46 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: Welcome to MM. It is a great place to find support. Look forward to seeing you on the boards.
TW

[small porgies]

(06-30-2014, 04:46 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: Welcome to MM. It is a great place to find support. Look forward to seeing you on the boards.
TW

[MakersDozn]

Welcome to the forums. We hope that you like it here.

MakersDozn (MDs)

[small porgies]

Thanks Makers doz..and T.W.

[nats]

hi small porgies, and welcome!

[small porgies]

Hey Nats,Thanks.

[The People]

Your inner word sounds awesome! Turtles have a significant meaning in many cultures, especially First Nations (American Indians). I hope you keep coming back sometimes to let us know how things go. The good thing about this place is that you can just show up when you feel like it. We just posted on TS about how much we still like this place. I hope ou find it to be the same.

[small porgies]

Hey People,
In therapy I am beginning to remember some of the trauma that I suffered as a kid. I'm learning that memories can't kill me, repression of memories can kill me. Via alcohol or acts of suicide or drug abuse. Haven't had a lot of time as of late. Will sign in with some more war stories on down the road. Good to hear from you.