Feeling Lost

[Tangled Web]

I have been going through a hard time lately and I am feeling so extremely lost. It feels everything I have tried to get out of this ISN'T working. I can't get things to stop spinning inside and I feel so RAW and disappointed, misunderstood and confused and stuck and just plain lost!!!!!!!
I just don't know what to do anymore............
I don't know what to say anymore.......................


Thanks for listening

[sharon/treehouse family]

I feel lost like that to then there is so much ciaos inside and out. I feel so overwhelmed and misunderstood and I don't think anyone understands with no energy to know what to say or how to say it but to say help with no clue how to do it. for me I get to the point where I get acetonic.

I'll sit with you if you like I'll listen

Sharon

[mosaic]

we hear you. we're sitting with you and listening...

[Reilly]

Hi Tangled Web.
My thoughts are with you during this confusing time.
You expressed so eloquently how I often feel. Why am I feeling this way? What are the best actions to take? How can I cope with my son's DID and life in general? I hear and appreciate your sentiments.
It is times like these that I simply try and stand still, find a comfortable place, and breathe. If I can't accomplish certain tasks today there is always tomorrow.
Sitting with you now and hoping life calms down a bit.

[MakersDozn]

Hi TW,

We're sorry that you're struggling. We're sending you good thoughts.

MDs

[orek]

(07-24-2012, 09:44 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: I have been going through a hard time lately and I am feeling so extremely lost. It feels everything I have tried to get out of this ISN'T working. I can't get things to stop spinning inside and I feel so RAW and disappointed, misunderstood and confused and stuck and just plain lost!!!!!!!
I just don't know what to do anymore............
I don't know what to say anymore.......................


Thanks for listening

I'm so sorry it's so hard right now. I forget, are you in therapy? Are these things that you're feeling with your therapy? Misunderstood, stuck, etc.? I ask only because having things solid there can be such a grounding force. And if it's a good, strong relationship, then that might be a good first place to bring up and tackle these feelings. It's often safer to explore hard relationship stuff with the T than with others in our lives because they are trained to deal with such things and expect them to happen in the therapy space, and they are committed to helping us resolve anything in the T relationship that might interfere with healing.

Of course, if you're not in therapy, then disregard. Either way, I"m sitting with you. I'm glad you're posting here. Take care--orek

[Tangled Web]

Thank you everyone for your support. Things are starting to get a little better I think for me. I have definitely gotten out of my head. When I stuck inside my head things always seem to go to hell and deteriorate awfully quickly.

Orek......Yes I am in therapy, and yes I was feeling she was part of the problem. She probably still is, but I haven't had time to do anything with it and I guess I am just hoping it will just go away.

I ended up throwing myself into work, it was the only way I knew how to cope or get myself out of this. I have been doing ALOT of overtime. Just got done working 72 hours in 7 days and I have 4 shifts more to go before the end of the week.......so I am felling completely exhausted now but not from the stuff going on inside my head....just from plain ole working which I am grateful for....., and to be honest I have absolutely no idea what is going on in my head at all anymore and I am actually kinda of thankful for that.

Thank you everyone for your responses and your support. I have to go and get ready now for work tomorrow 5am comes pretty early......

[orek]

Orek......Yes I am in therapy, and yes I was feeling she was part of the problem. She probably still is, but I haven't had time to do anything with it and I guess I am just hoping it will just go away.

....., and to be honest I have absolutely no idea what is going on in my head at all anymore and I am actually kinda of thankful for that.


I'm glad it's better, Tangled. Sometimes we need a break from what's going on "in the head." And work or physical labor can be a good release. I am concerned that you not perpetuate that as a coping mechanism for too long lest you deplete yourself entirely. And, as you know, the problems with your T will not "just go away." I really encourage you to talk to her about whatever the issues are, as scary as that idea is. Those little breaks in the therapy relationship have a way of growing into huge chasms and exponentially affecting the trajectory of therapy. Anything that negatively impacts the therapy space has to be looked at together and talked about. Yucky but true. I hope you find some deep resolution to all that's going on soon. --orek

[Tangled Web]

Thanks Orek. The thing is that I have recently figured out..... and I am sorry if this is jumbled and might not make sense.....I am tired. So back to what I have recently figured out......I figured out to what to extents I have kept myself hidden and isolated from people. It is like it is engraved in me. And I have tried to learn ways to break it, but I have absolutely no idea how. It isn't as easy as just getting up and calling someone to go out. That sounds very simple, but in fact it feels impossible. And the more I try to explain why I find it so difficult the more I realize people just don't seem to get it which makes me feel even more isolated.
I had kinda a blow out with my supposedly mother and I talked to my T about it and she acted like it was no big deal. Then the next time I saw my T I talked to her about her not thinking it was big deal and I thought she was getting it and then poof she opened up her mouth and the stupidest thing came out and then I just said in my head of forget it. Maybe no one is supposed to get it. Maybe it is just for me to get. I dunno. I don't get it. I really don't. Then I think man am I really that good at hiding things? How can she not know this or how can she not get this? Does she not know me at all? I don't get it. But yet she wants me to be real in her office. And when I try to be I feel like I get this look or shut down. Like oh I guess I picked the wrong thing to talk about today. It just gets lonely you know......sometimes. I don't know. ANy ways I think I should go now. I am losing my trains of thoughts and things are starting to get all muddled up. Thanks for listening.

[nats]

hi TW, sounds a lot like us. similar problems with other people and T 'just not getting it' and our response over the past few years has been to bury ourselves in work, shut ourselves off and not try to explain anymore..

[Tangled Web]

EXACTLY nats!!!!!!
Thanks

[orek]

But yet she wants me to be real in her office. And when I try to be I feel like I get this look or shut down. Like oh I guess I picked the wrong thing to talk about today. It just gets lonely you know......
[/quote]

Hmmmm, I'm afraid that does sound familiar, but not with our current T, who we do connect with and who is very experienced with trauma work. I wonder, maybe it's not you, as you're assuming? Maybe you and your T are not a good fit, even if she's a good T? Or maybe she's not a very good T with trauma work even if she's a nice one? It may not be any of those things, and maybe you'll work it out with her and be able to move on. But it sounds as if this is a chronic feeling there. Even if it's not constant, if it happens enough that you feel shut down instead of supported and drawn out, then I'd say it's not working the way it's supposed to, and I don't think you should assume it's simply down to you or something "wrong" with you.

I'm not trying to pass any kind of judgement on or criticism of your T, just want you to consider the possibility. We've stayed in many a T relationship that was either outright toxic in some way, or just not a good fit, which can be inadvertently stressful and destructive in its own way. There aren't always lots of choices for "shopping around," though. I get that. Whatever the case may be, I hope you work it out and find the support and help you all deserve and need.

Take care.