Accusation that has stabbed us in the heart
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The People Offline
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Caution  Accusation that has stabbed us in the heart
Caution may be some MT don't know. nothing bad. Sad


In small town eastern Canada many people are poor. In my book in progress I talk about Exchanging baby cribs and clothes, my mother once made a big pot of soup for a woman in exchange for mittens.

I moved to a new town and things were much the same. Most people had little and while my family may have struggled more than some due to its size, nobody stood out. We all played together, all went home for lunch at the same time, someone else's mom provided a Band-Aid if a kid got hurt and was too far from home. If a parent yelled at someone else's child they listened. Never ran home to tell mom because who wanted to be yelled at twice?

I had my first job at 8 where I played with a little girl all summer for 50 cents a week. Her Mom was pregnant. I was thrilled. At 9 I worked with siblings and by 10 I started babysitting. Bought all of my own clothes in Jr. High. The only thing my parents paid for was the dentist. (free medical in Canada but not butcher dentists)

As an adult I lived in a community for years. Everyone moved there to get out of debt. A lot of us came from the east coast with small town values. Same story, we helped each other out however we could. There were a few hurtful incidents but.... I had a friend who was ill and I just helped and helped as long as I could. That is just how I am. But so was she when she was well enough to do the same.

In an earlier post I mentioned an old couple who are fading. How they were good to me when I first got here. They are from the depression era but have accumulated a lot of money over the years. I never really cared. That is until I learned recently that they think I want their money. That I want into their will.

Sure it would be nice if someone handed me a few extra bucks. But that waiting around for handouts is not who I am. I never was. I have a roof over my head and my 2 cats, Freddie Jr. who is almost as old as the cats. I do have fewer and fewer friends because I don't know how to deal with big city people. I don't know how to get them to accept me. And I am HORRIFIED that this is how people see me. Lots of crying this week. Lots of need to put safeguards in place. f*ck I hate this city. But what is the point in moving? As I get older little physical health issues are creeping in. With time they will get bigger and small town doctors (if you can find one) will just send us here to see specialists anyway. Very sad.

Interestingly I just paid a friend's insurance with my plastic because he needed help and I know I will get it back. I know this because a few years ago he borrowed money and while that was difficult when he asked I took the risk and it came back. Neither of us have much and while we have no more than friendship we help each other when we can. He pays me to do computer stuff and came out in very cold weather to fix my wiper blades on my car. That is the kind of friendship I am used to. f*ck these rich people.


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(This post was last modified: 11-19-2014, 09:05 PM by The People.)
11-19-2014, 08:58 PM
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MakersDozn Offline
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Friendship/Support  RE: Accusation that has stabbed us in the heart
What a great post.

No matter what you have or don't have, there will always be a part of you that does things to help people. It's part of who you are.

We do empathize with finding it hard to make friends. And we too hate the city.

Not clear on what the hurtful accusation was, though. Did we miss something?

MDs
11-19-2014, 11:55 PM
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nats Offline
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#3
RE: Accusation that has stabbed us in the heart
when people get/have money, they tend to see everyone in terms of how much they want (or worse, how much they will cost). not always/every person with money of course, but it is a pervasive attitude. maybe you just stepped into this, but definitely not worth taking personally. maybe be completely straight with them and say 'i help because you were good to me and i am grateful, but if you are concerned i'm after something of yours then what i'm doing for you is clearly more harm than help and we can go our separate ways without bad feelings.' unfortunately, you can't be this honest with a lot of people, still may be it's possible to talk in some way? mainly, don't take it personally..
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
11-20-2014, 04:17 AM
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orek Offline
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#4
Friendship/Support  RE: Accusation that has stabbed us in the heart
That is an awful and hurtful accusation, indeed. People can be funny about money. I've had a brother accuse me of taking advantage of our mother, using her ATM card as a personal cash machine, which I never ever have done nor would do--quite the opposite! But also consider that sometimes with old people dementia or other disease can affect their brains and personality. My closest friend's grandmother got paranoid and suspicious in her last days and changed her will to give everything to her great-grandkids and bypass her grandkids altogether. There was no reasonable explanation to do so, but liver disease (or something like that, can't recall now) started affecting her personality and thinking structures. I don't know if anything like that is in play with this couple, but it's highly possible it is with at least one of them.

I like nat suggestion of talking to them about it. Put it back on them and don't take it on your shoulders. whatever the dynamics at play in their minds, it is something to do with them, not you. It's good that you all are so giving, even though people can bite you in the butt and hurt you sometimes.
11-23-2014, 04:57 AM
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The People Offline
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#5
RE: Accusation that has stabbed us in the heart
It gets lost in the rambling but a couple I was friends with think I want to be in their will.
11-23-2014, 11:30 AM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#6
Friendship/Support  RE: Accusation that has stabbed us in the heart
Thanks. We see it now. We're sorry they hurt you.

MDs
11-24-2014, 02:41 PM
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