Amazing T session

[Tangled Web]

Well yesterday we saw our T. I didn't actually have anything planned to discuss with her and thought it was going to be more a catch up session than anything else. We see our T 3 times a month and last week was our down week that we didn't see her so 2 weeks of stuff went by.
Anyways.........something amazing happened. We went through the emails like we usually do and chatted about them. I was asking her questions. Questions based on HER thoughts more than my own and HER feelings more than my own. Well the number of times she was placed in the "hot" seat even surprised me. She would shift in her chair and think about how to answer the things that were being asked, BUT she answered the questions. I found myself going deeper and deeper as every question was answered and started to give her more trickier things to handle in regards to us. We continued to talk and I must admit she did unbelievably well with everything. Our session was getting near the end and I decided to jump in to something. I needed to know if she would judge us or not. In the beginning when we started seeing her I felt like she would judge us because of something she had said about parenting. And I held onto those thoughts until yesterday. I couldn't discuss them with her, I was afraid. But after she did SO well with everything else that was handed to her I thought well maybe now is the time and I did it. I talked to her about my feeling like we would be judged and actually told her why. I could tell her I would be afraid of being judged but never could tell her why. So I did. AND OMG it went amazing. She explained to me what she meant by saying that I had made some bad choices but bad choices doesn't make a person bad. And we discussed that and she let me pick it apart right in front of her and get things clarified as we went along. It was amazing. It could of went SO bad SO quickly but it didn't. And she didn't waiver or have doubt in her voice or anger or frustration or anything.
So the session ended and I went home. While I was at home I was replaying things through my mind and every time I did I let things sink in a little more and a little more and I found I had this feeling bubbling up inside of me that put a smile on my face. I had no doubts going through my head. There was nothing I could find that held a "what if" or maybe she meant this or it sounded like she would do this or any type of doubts at all. Even Sam was quiet and couldn't come up with anything concrete to accuse her of. I believed what she was telling me. That in itself was amazing but the feeling I was having and still have inside of me........I couldn't put a word to it. I couldn't figure out what it was I was feeling. I started to write about it to try and figure it out but I started going in circles. So it started to drive me nuts. I needed to know what it was. I needed to know the word so I could file it and remember the next time I felt like this what it was. So I emailed my T and tried to wait patiently.
Patience is NOT one of my strong suits. I waited and then called her and left a message on her answering machine. So I waited some more and was emailing her again when she called me back.
So the feeling I am having is called TRUST! Can you believe that?!?!?
WOW!!!!!!!!!!
It isn't like I haven't trusted anyone before but this is different. This goes deeper than anything I have ever felt before. It feels "safe" if that makes any sense to anyone. A safety that can't be easily be taken away. Trust for me has NEVER felt safe.
Any ways it is amazing and I just really wanted to share this with someone. Thanks for listening!!!!

[mosaic]

wow, TW that is wonderful. i'm so happy that you found it with your T. it's making me smile reading your post.

[Tangled Web]

Thanks mosaic. I agree it is wonderful and I am still smiling about it which is very cool