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RE: Follow up-difficult discussion - Tangled Web - 03-17-2013
Hi everyone. I would like to thank you ALL for your support and comments and feedback. It has meant a great deal to us.
This had been such a very hard transition to make and to be honest I didn't think I could do it. There does come a point in one's life when you take stock as I would like to call it and you need to make some decisions. Those crossroads I usually do everything I can do to avoid. But once you get tired of spinning in circles and doing everything you can to change things to make them work and they still don't, I guess it is time to move on.
I know it hasn't been very long since I switched therapists and this is also a process, but I am starting to believe that I did indeed do the right thing. As of this moment I am able to say that and I do lose that feeling quite often but for now that is where I am.
I do alot of the comparission thing with my new therapist to my old one and we have talked at length what has helped me in the past and what didn't. It even got to the point where I came right out and asked my new therapist if she thought my old therapist had helped me so much then why was I coming to see her? I was actually able to do that! And she responded to me, not in a defensive manner at all, she just responded and told me she thought I was right and that she would stop saying that to me. We agreed that my old therapist had indeed got me to this point and now it was her turn to get me to the next one I needed to go to and beyond. That made me feel better.
She told me that she does believe she can help me. Now that was amazing. It felt like for the first time in I don't know how long that there might actually be some hope for me. And feeling that completely turned things around for me. I was willing to give her a chance. I actually decided to give her a chance. She made it feel ok for me to leave my old therapist but it was ok to take what I had learned from her with me. That might sound weird but it was important to me. She understood that even though this was my decision to quit my old therapist and see her that it still hurt. And I was able to talk to her about it with no judgements, or opinions, just talk. It was nice. And I felt heard and understood.
I am not sure if you all know this or not but this has been first time in my whole entire life where I actually sought out a person who deals with DID. Or has experience in dealing with it. I was upfront right from the start and as hard it was to do that because that part of life has always had to remain secret.........I was so glad I told her. It made believing what she says easier, because I am not saying to myself....oh if you only knew.......the fact is she DOES know and she still believes she can help us.
I ask her what she thinks and she actually tells me. She told me she likes me, she told me that she knows this a very long process and it won't happen over night and it is ok to not trust her. Trust takes time and it shouldn't be given away freely. And safety is created not just a given. So I have decided to let her get know us..........and see where that leads. Right now I am feeling pretty good about it.
Thank you everyone for your support through this and the hugs
Nats- I hear what you are saying and I also found a sense of relief after I made my decision.......that relief was quickly replaced by fear and loss because i started someone else right away. I am sorry your t couldn't go to the level you needed her to go with you. But maybe you to can take what you learned from her and find someone who can be/give you what you need. It doesn't have to end with her........thinking of you......
TW