What Would You Like to Talk About?

[MakersDozn]

Hello MM members--and others stopping by to peek in. It's good to see you here.

We/MDs have been a member of this community for over 17 years. We've seen it thrive and have seen ourselves thrive because of it. We've welcomed the supportive spirit of its members, its acceptance of diversity, and its valuing of system accountability and commitment to self-help.

People come here from a variety of backgrounds and locations. Many are from the US and Canada, a few are from Great Britain and Australia, and occasionally we meet folks from other places. Many who visit read but don't post, but it's probably a good guess that the mix of total visitors is similar to the mix of those who choose to become active.

People also come here at different stages of healing. Some are new to being diagnosed or learning that they are multiple. Others are further along on their journey, and they may be sailing smoothly or hitting a few bumps in the road. Everyone comes with unique perspective and an internal system that is what it needs to be.

So....friends and visitors: What would you like to talk about? What is it about being multiple, being on a healing journey, or simply about life that's important to you? Are you having challenges getting to know yourselves or deal with what you're learning? Are your headmates driving you crazy, keeping you sane, or both? Have you seen or heard something today that made you angry, made you sad, or made you laugh?

What would you like to talk about?

MDs

[The People]

Good timing. I just came to post about an issue I have been having. Talked about part of it earlier. But overall it is the problem of having to cope with the behaviours of other selves. Someone saying or doing something inappropriate and the rest of us being stuck with the outpouring of anger from people on the receiving end. Our landlord is an example. Nice guy. Has a lot to deal with. We told him off in a note. Someone did. Today we sent and email apologizing and someone went off on a tangent again. I am sure they know I have issues. His brother has schizophrenia. Most likely they figure I am with same malady. (slight hint dropped by GF) But I hate always having to deal with crap created by others. Two wants all of the teens gone as they are usually the ones with the most trouble making skills.

[MakersDozn]

We hope that your landlord recognizes that at least you've made an effort to set things right with him, even if someone with you did go off on a tangent.

In our system, we often find ourselves working at cross purposes. Even one person can have conflicting priorities, and it's frustrating. We wish that this healing thing wouldn't be so messy. :/

MDs

[Tangled Web]

We agree with you MDs. We wish this healing thing wasn't so messy either.
The People--the teenagers in our system seem to be the MOST difficult to deal with. I am sorry you are going through this--wish I could come up with some effective solutions for you--but these parts are a mystery to me to have something that actually works.

I have a question though and think it is something to talk about--probably not the right place for this--but was just wondering--why do people tell us (especially T's) to write letters to people to vent out our feelings--I get that part but they always tell us NOT to send them. Why? What if we want to send them? Why is that SO wrong?

[The People]

Teens seem to be a common thread. As with teens from monofamilies. Most parents find the teen years to be difficult. They rant and fight back and try to distance themselves from everyone as a way of creating independence. It doesn't work as a multiple but they don't seem to care. Very seldom do they acknowledge that their behaviour causes trouble. And while what they say is often true there are some things better left unsaid. They won't accept that.

[Tangled Web]

Very true!

[MakersDozn]

We're not supposed to send that kind of letter because, supposedly, it'd come back to bite us in the butt if we did. *shrug*

We love it (not) when other people talk about what they think is best for us. As long as we're not hurting ourselves or others, we should be able to trust our own judgment, trust that we are the ones who know what's best for us.

About teens....well, I wish I could focus more on being a teen instead of doing all this "adult" crap that comes with fronting. Allegra and I have this ongoing argument....erm....discussion....about what a "real" teen is supposed to act like. I won't go into details, at least for the time being. We simply see things differently sometimes.

Laura and others

[Tangled Web]

I believe that if you are at the point in therapy where you want to confront your abuser then you should be able to. (safely of course). This holiday season has me thinking about family this year. All the things I am sick of tired of and I think she needs to hear those things so I sent her an email. The purpose was to let her know that we were letting her go which I think was good idea only it appears there was more one than one purpose and a lot more was said BUT I refuse to feel bad about it. I had to stand by and listen to ALL her crap--I want it to be my turn now.

Our teens are mostly angry which doesn't bother me so much IF they could only learn to use their verbal filter--that would be greatly appreciated!

[The People]

Good for you on the email. Did that a long time ago. There are some down sides to it as we cut out the whole FOO but it was the only way we knew how to cope. They say anger is a secondary emotion. Perhaps your teens feel afraid or something and being angry is easier. I would suggest some things that might help but it doesn't even work with my own teens.

[Tangled Web]

Thanks. The only person we have left in our lives that is part of our family is my older sister. She doesn't live near us nor will she accept that we are an "us". She is distant--our choice to be that way. She is coming here xmas day with her husband for xmas dinner as we don't have to work this year. Getting prepared for that internally and externally. This is the first year we have actually put up a xmas tree in years.

Our teens anger doesn't scare us but we worry about it causing damage to our relationships that we have with people--it is so hard for us to form close relationships with people-we can't do anything to risk damaging them.

[Tangled Web]

This is our xmas tree

[Tangled Web]

uuurrrggggg I am So frustrated! How come I can put one pic into the post and I can't do it with this? MDs?????? do you know what I am doing wrong?

[MakersDozn]

Nice tree, TW.

The attachment has to be an image, not a Word file. You'll need to upload the original photo, or if you don't have it, save it as an image from the Word file and then upload it here.

Good luck,

MDs

[Tangled Web]

It was too big as a pic image so we put it in the word file so we could post it. Don't remember how to make the pic smaller.
Thanks-we did the best we could with the tree a lot of decorations still in there boxes where they will stay--maybe next year.........
TW

[nats]

nice tree! re letters, there are two kinds - the one you write knowing you won't send it and the one you write knowing you will ;-) the first is to help you vent, the second is to get your message/s across to someone else. it should always be your choice whether or not to send..